07-25-2014, 12:20 PM
(07-25-2014, 06:18 AM)just mercedes Wrote: Ouch! I think the title does a lot of work here - do you really need the last line?Yes, but I would be willing to change the title. Didn't have a title when I wrote this, so I just took the last line for a title. I do think the line at the end is needed. It was a saying of the Apache. It was used before battle to say, I give myself up for dead, and doing so I will be fearless. The idea here is that love does basically the same thing.
If the title was changes to avoid the redundancy, would you still have a problem with the last line, or is it just the repetition that you don't like.
If you want to make a suggestion for a title I wouldn't mind a bit.
Dale
Quote:ajcohen613 said "I think "sixteen year-old" would be the proper way to say it"
No, you are absolutely correct, and I will change it forthwith. Thanks for the catch.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.