07-24-2014, 04:11 AM
Hello Catface, I won't go into detail I will leave that for others. My overview was this.
I thought the content was too dense for "spoken word," The listeners would have got the rhythm and rhyme, but would they have got a poem that stuck in the mind.?
A lot of abstractions that will come off because thought cannot be given to them in a tight time frame.
The theme was a jaded for me.
On the plus side I think you are a competent writer, that came through for sure.
I also think you know what you are doing with rhyme, especially the internal rhyme as opposed to line ends. I also work in the same way that you have used here when I am practising with rhyme.
JG
I hope you enjoyed the reading.
I thought the content was too dense for "spoken word," The listeners would have got the rhythm and rhyme, but would they have got a poem that stuck in the mind.?
A lot of abstractions that will come off because thought cannot be given to them in a tight time frame.
The theme was a jaded for me.
On the plus side I think you are a competent writer, that came through for sure.
I also think you know what you are doing with rhyme, especially the internal rhyme as opposed to line ends. I also work in the same way that you have used here when I am practising with rhyme.
JG
I hope you enjoyed the reading.