Family Picnic

[poe]

Its a refreshing theme, actually quite original at that. Only thing that sticks out like a sore thumb is as Billy pointed out, the idiom change in S2, L1, "...another delusional idiot." I would like to see that sentiment expressed with a less modern day colloquially sounding expression." Such terms as "slob'", "egoist", and "martyr complex" if re -worded in a less modern day idiom would work better for the piece overall, as well. It would be worth the effort to see you polish this piece, in my humble ope.
poe