07-23-2014, 06:19 AM
Its a refreshing theme, actually quite original at that. Only thing that sticks out like a sore thumb is as Billy pointed out, the idiom change in S2, L1, "...another delusional idiot." I would like to see that sentiment expressed with a less modern day colloquially sounding expression." Such terms as "slob'", "egoist", and "martyr complex" if re -worded in a less modern day idiom would work better for the piece overall, as well. It would be worth the effort to see you polish this piece, in my humble ope.
poe
poe

