Beauty

[cidermaid]

Hi I like this but also felt that the middle stanza was letting this down. In particular i think there is too much focus brought into the emotional side of this which is overdone. i would like to see some more detail to round the images from the first stanza (which works very well). You have told me an hourly rate motel so I am getting a daytime image...maybe pad out this with a further referance to the strength of the sunlight to highlight the sweat or the empty wallet.
Your poem, I like where you have directed the attention, it is nicely done. Good closure
all the best AJ.

Her beauty took me
from an hourly motel in Tucson
to the Viennese waterways
of paradise.

Sweat, shame, and distrust
brought me back to an
empty wallet and a
shattered ego.

She didn’t even pretend
to come with me.