High Sierra -- edit 4

[billy]

i found it hard to follow but hey...that's drugs for you
you have some really good lines but many of them go nowhere in particular. that said some of the images stand out as really good. you'll see lots of posts on ambiguity in the site. for me this errs on the side of being too ambiguous. a suggestion is to try and connect the lines to what ever image you have in a way that allows the reader to connect.

thanks for the read.

If allowing let us dwell
in warmth that deceives and reveals
wrinkled voices slunk down and in,
crouched against a wall,
near plum cores and metallic smells.
The orange light that lingers like a curse
stumbles closer, then reversed;
stepping indoors, taking in the ground
dotted with lime green mechanized sounds. i take this to be the effect of taking a hit. not of weed. acid maybe. i think if it is it need some more cohesion and if it isn't, it needs more cohesion.

Certainly we will revisit
the flushed out realms of canyons
outstretched upon a silver spike. here i think you're a fish or a metaphorical one at least and the canyons are in the brain..though probably not

Sunken eyes remember
reflective molecules of cinder,
flung like half empty satchels onto a baited hook.
We can hear their voices wrapped up a light post,
circled twice, then ignites.

In the chamber,
dancers wreathed in gold,
undoubtedly unfold
the hexing patterns fogged
by transistor kites burnt black;
like cell mutation turned back
with insidious intent.

In the river we have lived
like baskets sewn by sinews brown.
We remember and befriend
the shadow that lingers beneath the town
that stands with brown dust
lingering between the window panes.
Chromatic paint expanding,
blasting out the window panes.

Content with but a page of runes,
we nibble at the crust
like a pair of disjointed beaks
twitching in the sunburst sand.