07-17-2014, 06:51 AM
Steadfastly, time moves (Instead of "steadfastly", I would use "steadily")
in unwavering motions, (motion seems redundant if you have already stated "time moves")
captured in clockworks. (maybe "within" instead of in)
Understood in hours,
an unspoken history
marks the past. (I don't really get how and unspoken history marks the past)
Days pass, unrelenting,
realizing the sadness
in golden sunsets. (Who realizes "the sadness in golden sunsets", and is it an inherent trait? Are all golden sunsets sad?)
Dale
in unwavering motions, (motion seems redundant if you have already stated "time moves")
captured in clockworks. (maybe "within" instead of in)
Understood in hours,
an unspoken history
marks the past. (I don't really get how and unspoken history marks the past)
Days pass, unrelenting,
realizing the sadness
in golden sunsets. (Who realizes "the sadness in golden sunsets", and is it an inherent trait? Are all golden sunsets sad?)
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.