Family Picnic

[billy]

hi dale.

i found the poem to be a god read with need of an edit or two. at the end of the poem i got why the speaker was a non-believer. in that time few people followed christ (despite what films would have us believe) Catholicism only really caught on with Constantine. i liked the juxtaposition of death and picnic and that it seemed very matter of fact. i found the piece wordy in a couple of places and felt less would be more.
thanks for the read.

Family Picnic

Blood on his hands.
Blood on his brow,
where he wears a fake thorn crown; is where needed?
another in a long line of saviors.
Blood on feet where spike is this spike the fog or A spike?
has been pounded; feet that
never will again touch ground. is will again needed?
If he was a true savior, why
would he not heal his wounds
and come down, let his feet
walk upon the ground. Instead
listen to him rant, i get that the narrator in the poem isn't a believer in christ, but the arguments for why he didn't do such things are bolder than the question. that said any explanation would be a non starter if the speaker isn't a believer. i enjoyed it so far

Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? being brought up in a convent you'd think i know this piece of wordage, i had to google it (my comment is not mockery, just fact.

The cry of another delusional idiot, the idiom changes here a lot, the previous stanza felt as though the speaker witnessed the death. here there seems to be a acute change and the speaker seems to be looking back.
just like the hundreds, or
thousands before. Big with words, i have no idea why but i like this line immensely probably because of the enjambment and mid line period of which i'm not usually a fan.
big with dying, ultimately another
masochist with a martyr complex, feels a bit glib
getting what he wants, if not what he deserves.
Another egoist, making a spectacle,
of his death, rather than quietly
hanging himself from a tree,
leaving a bag of silver to pay
for his burial expenses.
Now that is a honorable man. from my last comment to here works really well in turning round the Iscariot image most have
Unlike this slob, who hasn’t one shekel to his name,
letting the state pick up all the expense.

I bring the family and we picnic and now i see the person is a witness,
on bread, fish and wine, sitting
on a speared out blanket, it’s the best speared or spread?
entertainment in town. Pity
the one in the middle died so soon,
hardly before we had gotten sat down.
My son ask me, why this happens,
I respond, ”Because they claim
to be King, and there is no king
but Caesar. He holds life and death
in his hands, but what do these
men on these crosses hold?
They have nothing in they’re hands,
as they squirm upon the tree."

I wonder which troublemaker
they will kill next week.
I hoped they do it upside down,
I’ve never seen a rock bleed. i like the reference to peter and i like how the speaker turns him into a troublemaker.


–Erthona

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