Mechanized Man (Edit #5)

[Truerenigma]

(Edit #5)

Mechanized Man

Mechanized Man, who dreads each day’s lead legs
will cheat, he sets his watch five minutes fast
to make slow months crawl quickly but still begs
to know these hurried years won’t be his last.

His body’s spent and tight-wound mind refutes
clear choice: define his time or be defined
too soon. He sleeps, a fool, denying truth
with a lie: his life’s a race, he fell behind.

Instead, the wiser man will treasure how
this breath delights, that death’s a new life won.
He’ll split a second gently then, and now
divide – divided moments shine, undone.

Mechanized Man, who strains to count his lot,
must watch the man who lives: his clock ticks not.


(tec I like "this and that", "then and now" in consecutive lines)

(Line 5 is still problematic but your edit leaves me a half-foot short. Lemme think)

thank you all.

You might want to think of a way to adjust the tone or address and make it more subtle and less preachy, who knows, that might help the rest fall in place for you.