A hum in the red sky

[gernseeker]

* I try here to establish an atmosphere more than giving concrete explanations on what is happening.


A hum in the red sky

detached people quiet
around long dining table

front yards at day
St-Augustine lawn shivers
in silent madness

terrible sights of deathless track homes

curtains stir where
rifts form

he opens the trunk and puts in the bags

always a plot and a parallel romance
he runs to the cities
he has bigger visions

An earlier reply mentioned "Twilight Zone" and I totally agree. You've let me peek into this world and I'm pretty sure I don't want to stay. That said - why not drag me in further? There is slow terror here yet to be uncovered. Expand it!

Agree with some others - "around a long dining table" seems better.

But really - just keep going. I want more. Somebody is doing something awful to another somebody in a basement...