Father's Day Poem

[fim]

fim,

You might've seen me say elsewhere that I only edit poems I like. So let me balance the deluge above with my deeper sentiments.

This is already a good poem, but it's got a great poem in it that's waiting to be released. The emotions you express are squarely put. The technicals are very fixable. The sincerity registers effectively.

What's needed is what my huge-long edit suggests. Cut out and revise everything that's trite, irrelevant, misleading, fluffy, or artificial.

I don't know if this will hit you as a threat or a bargain, but I'll edit every draft you put up all the best,
crow

Crow,
thanks, ... and I might take you up on the offer to edit any draft I put up since, sometimes long poems get ignored on PigPen (for justifiable reason ... people just don't have the time) and I have one I am itching to get someone who knows about poetry to critique. Anyway, it is titled the Trojan Horse, it is like most of my poems, about feelings and circumstances I encounter in life. It lacks obscurity and is long and contains some (what I consider to be necessary) redundancy. But I think it has redeeming qualities.
Cheers,
fim