To: All the Girls

[Erthona]

To all the girls
Tight skinned
Primed; ripe and ready (Be consistent with your punctuation. colon, not semicolon.)
Teeth: white
Straight eyed
We equal, yet I find you more than me
Everywhere, dazzling
Twinkling, before me
Whatever will we do, when the gazes fade? (Should it be "Whatever will you do..." I don't understand why the speaker would include himself)
Like yesterdays headliner, damp, tattered on the pavement
All the strife and worry put upon the ripe fruit
Hands anticipating with mouths open, ready for the reaping
Only and always to fall, rolling down the hill
Forgot and left to rot
So to all the girls
Primped and pearly
Pure; picked and open
Skin: soft and naked (Maybe a more obvious correlation to what you wrote before, that is have the same categories for both in the same order. each item with a colon.)
Eyes: wrought and sunken [b](wrought-->worked, maybe you mean overwrought?)[/b]
Never mind the world or the hopes it beholds
Your fire: volcanic and teeming
Since birth and oblivion
Time will show the cracks and burns
And the dysmorphic body turns (I like it ending on rhyming couplets, but I can get little from "dysmorphic body turns".)

I agree with bena (if she'll let me), the title is just too cliche, as one can hardly help thinking of "To all the girls I've loved before".
Also, if the writer is going to use parallelism, the comparisons should be the same:

skin:
eyes:
teeth:

and so on.

It needs a fair amount of work, but it is a decent start.

Dale