07-05-2014, 08:44 AM
(07-05-2014, 05:46 AM)Brownlie Wrote: He’s brewing up some angel trumpet tea.I have two of these trees
The alkaloids and water blur his sight,
And he expounds about the honey bee.
“They take their share but friends, we lick times three. this line feels clunky to me - I'm not sure what 'lick times three' means so maybe that's why
So, come you lustful Gods who burn too bright,
I’m brewing up some angel trumpet tea.”
Soon shadows dance around in waking dreams,
He stands atop a stump to give advice,
And he expounds about the honey bee.
“Let adders hiss their diatribes at me.
Let devil’s say you’re drinking manic light Does that apostrophe belong there? This sentence feels clunky too.
he’s brewing up. Some angel trumpet tea
Will give us double eyes for prophecy.”Love the double eyes
With cotton mouth he’s at his sermon’s height,
And he expounds. “About the honey bee,
Their flower licking lives are never free
From heart glued swords. So be with God tonight,heart glued?
He’s brewing up some angel trumpet tea,
And he expounds about the honey bee.”
Very cool villanelle. The refrain lines work well, I'm OK with the rhymes, meter seems right, and I love the line 'their flower licking lives are never free'.