Intuitively Speaking
#6
(07-04-2014, 06:42 AM)vagabond Wrote:  "A bumble-bee can never fly, its wings are under-sized;
yet here he comes a-buzzing me, he knows not of his failings"

- for the meter I´d change the former line into
"yet here he comes a-buzzing me, don´t know he´s meant to fail"

----

"So I believe a lot of things, and most of them are true.
Until I find a reason to believe what others tell me"

- to my ears the following would sound better:
"So I believe a lot of things, and most of them are true
until I find a reason to trust what I´m told by you"

---

Enough of suggestions, I liked your poem a lot.
But I believe that dolphins do talk.
...I believe you believe that.Smile
Best and thanks,
tectak
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Messages In This Thread
Intuitively Speaking - by tectak - 06-25-2014, 10:56 PM
RE: Intuitively Speaking - by trueenigma - 06-26-2014, 02:24 AM
RE: Intuitively Speaking - by LorettaYoung - 06-26-2014, 07:04 AM
RE: Intuitively Speaking - by vagabond - 07-04-2014, 06:42 AM
RE: Intuitively Speaking - by tectak - 07-05-2014, 05:26 AM
RE: Intuitively Speaking - by Erthona - 07-06-2014, 06:21 AM



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