Fred Flintstone Limerick

[Pyxx]

Believe it or not I actually edited this thing, and changed a near rhyme to a more "pure" rhyme.


I work from below and before,
And mine in this bedrock for ore.
While hacking this stone,
I rabble and groan
That Jetson will always have more.




Original:

While mining this bedrock for ore,
I never see Spacely or George.
When hacking this stone,
I work and I groan
That Jetson will always have more.

Thought this was fun to read, I rather preferred the original post as it refers to the characters in The Flintstones and as such the audience immediately knows who the author is writing about without reading the title first. Having said that, I quite like this work. One suggestion is to perhaps think of the choice of rhyming words to make this piece more interesting:

When hacking this stone,
I work and I groan

Finally, I had trouble gleaning sense from the line below, perhaps this makes the first line of the poem feel forced?

I work from below and before,