07-04-2014, 06:42 AM
"A bumble-bee can never fly, its wings are under-sized;
yet here he comes a-buzzing me, he knows not of his failings"
- for the meter I´d change the former line into
"yet here he comes a-buzzing me, don´t know he´s meant to fail"
----
"So I believe a lot of things, and most of them are true.
Until I find a reason to believe what others tell me"
- to my ears the following would sound better:
"So I believe a lot of things, and most of them are true
until I find a reason to trust what I´m told by you"
---
Enough of suggestions, I liked your poem a lot.
But I believe that dolphins do talk.
yet here he comes a-buzzing me, he knows not of his failings"
- for the meter I´d change the former line into
"yet here he comes a-buzzing me, don´t know he´s meant to fail"
----
"So I believe a lot of things, and most of them are true.
Until I find a reason to believe what others tell me"
- to my ears the following would sound better:
"So I believe a lot of things, and most of them are true
until I find a reason to trust what I´m told by you"
---
Enough of suggestions, I liked your poem a lot.
But I believe that dolphins do talk.