Bring it down

[jbreze]

Soo.. Hello! I'm new here, and this is my very first post. Yay! Please keep in mind
Im kind of new to all this, so I don't know very much about schemes and such.
Now I've made this a while ago and uploaded it to another site once, yet I got
like zero response there, so let's see what you guys think. By the way, it's kinda
written as a song, but I'm not quite sure how to use it yet.



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Please, Sir, put us to the test again.
Make us swim and cry for leaving.
Make us take up our faith and bargain.
But don't forgive us for decieving.


Make the moon pull up the water,
Engulf us with your watery sheets.
Please send us some holy martyr,
To punish for supposed feats.


Dear Sir, are you dozing off?
'Cause everything's getting outta hand.
Or have you given up on us yet?
I think I'd actually understand.


Gimme chaos, Gimme mayhem,
Treat me on the easy way,
Take my lead and start to condemn,
Throw the failing society away..
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Looking forward to your responses

I love the third section. Very powerful. Forgiving a higher power for almost "falling asleep at the wheel." It's as if you've switched roles and are offering him forgiveness. - Amazing!!!

I also like the Dear Sir. It's casualizes such an unknown entity and also makes it seem a slight simple suggestion that he "wake up." The world demands it while you simply and casually ask of it?

Very awesome! I get a little lost in the end section but can see you are almost stepping into his role now. I'm not a believer of chaos and such and I think if I was it woudl make more sense to me. It's almost like your replacing his failing system of order with that of chaos??