07-01-2014, 11:46 PM
I don't have as much trouble with the meter as Dale does, but he is the expert. The last line bothers me with it's length though...I can't get the beat on that one.
I would use a hyphen in god-like (grammar police)
I'm not sure why you don't like white space, I love it, and would have divided into stanza just to give a slight pause for the reader to reflect on the meaning of each word, because you have a ton of meaning stuffed into small sentences.
This is a brilliant, reflective piece, and I am just nit-picking because I'm supposed to on this forum.=)
bena the bean counter.
I would use a hyphen in god-like (grammar police)
I'm not sure why you don't like white space, I love it, and would have divided into stanza just to give a slight pause for the reader to reflect on the meaning of each word, because you have a ton of meaning stuffed into small sentences.
This is a brilliant, reflective piece, and I am just nit-picking because I'm supposed to on this forum.=)
bena the bean counter.