07-01-2014, 02:49 PM
I really liked this. I'm a bit of a sucker for short work - but only if it gets the job done. And, I think you did that. If I had any crit it would be L7 and L8. I think you could do better there. (feels too dry for the mood) The last line is perfect and holds everything up. Paul
(07-01-2014, 12:03 PM)Erthona Wrote: dead antennas wave goodbye
Cockroach in the bath,
cockroach in the hall,
see the different ways
they fall.
Embalmed with pesticide,
on chitin covered sides,
not a pest
in their own eyes.
Still they fall,
in the bath and in the hall, quick edit on reread... I wonder if you might try "or in the hall" since the next line is "decide"
it matters not what they decide;
dead antennas wave goodbye.
–Erthona
©2014