KerPlunk

[ellajam]

It's now a redundant even mute point..."before the bar" seems like it could mean many things besides the one you want it to. 1. Drinking prior to bar hopping in order to save money at the bar 2. Drinking before the bar exams to ease nerves 3. Drinking a drink quickly in fear that the bar will drink it first ....etc. why not make it say the one you mean? Is there a reason you want to leave it ambiguous?

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PS besides that I love it, especially the skip, hop, and jump into bed of the second stanza.

Mainly because it's written in ballad meter, and it will be difficult to clarify without altering the meter or much of the rest of the poem.

Hi, W, as others, I've been enjoying this, I just want to comment on your comment.

I've been learning to write in metered forms recently and while it does make it challenging to make changes, it's sometimes worth it to beat my head against it until I can come up with something better that still fits the meter. The poem fulfilling a form's requirements is no excuse for not replacing what doesn't work, it just makes it more of a bitch to do so.

Thanks for the read, good one, love the title.