the Storm at Montecassino

[tomasmk]

[Image: http://remembrancedaysong.com/images/Pil...stones.jpg]On a Montecassino morn,
a singing monk, still, tills the land The duality of meaning for "still" is not advantageous. One asks how can one till if still? You must punctuate to clarity...or at least to certainty.
the stormy weathers of the world
draw right above his home, their line Are you going to punctuate or not? Half punctuation looks like incompetence.

Booming thunders start a choir
as lightning, as bullets, fly by
brave winds, outside their course,
clash against each other and die Good solid words but without the mortar of punctuation they fall down. "...as bullets, fly by brave winds.." Huh?

Raindrops fall helplessly from the heights,
crying their death rattle to the sky
the singing monk too looks at the sky, asking: why? The monk as well as who? You do not say and consequently I do not know.
and still continues to till the land

Nice, compact concept let down by grammar. It is easily fixable but unless you give crit you won't get much back on this site. That is what it is all about. Try it.
Best and welcome,
tectak

Hi tectak, thank you for your feedback. I've tried to correct the punctuation, do you think it is more clear now?

about the monk looking at the sky, I thought that since the raindrops were crying at the sky, they might be also "looking" at it.

regarding the "still" use, I wanted to make a bit of a wordplay and also some rhymes out of it. My image was that of a monk peacefully standing on the spot and slowly harvesting the ground with his tool. Maybe it can work in this sense?

I'm going to try to give crit, its just a bit hard as I feel so unqualified to give any opinion, this in fact is my first poem...