So Boldly We'll Go

[billy]

it has the feel of wanting to be a villanelle. if you click the link you'll see some of the similarities. having the refrains as the middle lines isn't one of them, so you could be trying a different form.

the meter needs to be constant


with hearts full of fire and heads filled with tales (using fire as one syllable)
into the world we boldly go
odds are against us but we shall prevail though that's not the best example i've used.

the rhymes would be better as perfect rhymes. tales/prevail could be altered to get a better rhyme.

a good effort but try and stick to the exact form until you more or less get it, then is the best time to try to alter it. best to know how something works if you want to build a different one.

hearts full of fire and heads filled with tales
into the world we so boldly will go in general, reverse syntax doesn't do you any favours
odds are against us but we shall prevail

hearts spilling fire and headstrong with tales
into the world we so boldly will go
together forever we cannot fail

tides crash against us yet we shall prevail
into the world we so boldly will go
adventure invites a wind in our sails

hands held so tightly that we cannot fail
into the world we so boldly will go
we'll outrun the roads and cut a new trail

peril compels we not slacken our sails
into the world we so boldly will go
time will not count us in his balanced scales

we'll run out of roads but forge a new trail
into the world we so boldly will go
us cutters of curtains, parters of veils

time will play tyrant but we will not quell
into the world we so boldly will go
i'll stand beside you through any travail

no matter the world so boldly we'll go