06-28-2014, 09:23 AM
(06-25-2014, 09:15 PM)Qdeathstar Wrote: Inspire
Another lier. - This works for me, I can see someone inspirational being a liar.
Set a soul a fire. - This only seems to work for me if it is a play on 'liar liar set your pants on fire', if that's the case then 'set your soul on fire' would work better.
Neglect
Another affect. - I believe you might have meant effect? Effect of what?
Ground a grief, a sect. - I don't understand this.
Seed
another need.
Con and kill and bleed. - Someone said this sounded preachy, and I agree.
Agitate
another hate.
Sell a cell, a fate. - This doesn't work for me, though I see potential in the two lines before it.
Nest
another jest.
Muck and mire and test. - I don't see how any of this stanza fits in..
Engage
another rage.
Turn a tool, a page. - A better play could be made on 'Engage' than what is offered in these two lines.
For me, this piece would work out a lot better if 'Nest', 'Engage' and 'Seed' were changed to something that feels like it fits more with 'Inspire', 'Neglect' and 'Agitate'. They feel out of place to me.
“The writing of poetry is a chancy business, it's currency solitude and loss, its tools coffee and too much wine, its hours midnight, dawn, and dusk, and unlike other trade the hours asleep are not time off.” - Keith Miller, The Book of Flying