Go On Sad One - A Child’s tale

[billy]

as i say. i'm not to up on the form of it, i just thought an extra syl on the last line of each would break it up a bit, but i see that as a lament that should be the case

as for the repetition. it's on three out of six but in no particular order. i was suggesting it be on every other first line of all of them.

you asked for an example which i now agree probably wouldn't work as it's a lament but here goes anyway:

Go on sad one,
go on and play.
Go on sad one,
turn the night to day.

Seek joy and fun,
please do not stray
show everyone,
your own merry way.

okay, bad word choices but i didn't want to change anything you wrote.
i really am not educated enough to undertsand enki though did google on this poem and the others i've read that you wrote and in the main find them fascinating ( i did see an episode of startrek in which picard used the language Gilgamesh to communicate with an alien) i can see i didn't impress you wit that one

Billy,

Thanks for giving it a read. It's primarily in iambic tetrameter, although a single line is broken into two. I didn't really think about a form when I wrote it. It is certainly a lament. In the larger context that this is a part of, this is the god Enki lamenting about what use the other gods put the first created humans to. Enki, as their creator thinks of them as his children, the other gods think of them as only tools. This single poem is from a greater set called the "Songs of Enoch" which is part of a much larger poem still. You have read excerpt of it that I posted several years ago called "The Sons of Sirion"

"syllable on the last line of each verse" I think all the lines have four syllables. Were you wanting 5 syllables on the last line? It's interesting that you were anticipating that. I don't think I could make that happen. Can you give me an example of what you thought should be there. I would really be interested in seeing that.

"i was also surprised not to see the go on line start every other verse."

I think that is a good thing isn't it?

Thanks for your suggestions,

Dale