68

[i pray to pills]

I got my little indigo girl
She's writing for the news
She knows everything about
How everybody feels

Every man in the city
Watches her tv show
Television won't
Ever be the same.

That part sounds ok, I added a the and took away an s.


thank you.
"tv shows" was meant to say there's a different show everyday.
how exactly that sounds for you ?




I don't know about all this:

Television shows
Lock that door
Your boyfriend had a hat
Dogs, what a dirty floor.

thanks.

this final verse was the more unsolved to me;

this was write directly in english and to me one use for it is to get at the unconscious mind more easily.

what I meant here, as I can see, are 4 diferent images;

the tv show as a universal background, as to say : "people are watching shows like that everywhere, everytime".

"Lock the door" is what somebody is saying. as a metaphor for rational thinking or staying in traditional, common sense thinking. "stay at your little home"; that's a brazilian expression for being not a insane person and i dont know if there's a similar expression somewhere in english.

The indigo girl ' s boyfriend uses a hat as a symbol of traditional behaviour too; that can be a jewish hat, or muslim, or a teenage cap.

the "dirty floor" is about all that. their home dirty floor, their unconscious mind;or their impure common-sense thinking.

---

i tried to write something about the sometimes called "seattle generation", from 90 's protests against the IMF and globalization until ocuppy everywhere etc. from a 3rd world big city point of view. That was the initial idea.


note that i'm not a english native speaker [ tried to begin a discussion about it here : http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/showthread.php?tid=14786 ]
and i'm really interested about to know exactly how these constructions sounds to native speakers all over;


that's also thought to be sort of a song;


--

68

I wanna live in 68
I wanna dress in black
Break your windows
City smells like crack


generally, punctuation. But I like this stanza, it's a real attention getter. I like the break your windows; crack flow

But I was intended to write without punctuation, to give it a non linear aspect. Like if many people were saying and I just take their speeches and paste. Or something that was said by many people ind differente moments.


---

I love my cigarettes and flags
Love my band
We are the Adolf Hitlers
Dogs, what a dirty sand.

the "and" kills all the momentum you had...


"I love my cigarettes, my flags"

what do you suggest ?



I got my little indigo girl
She's writing for the news
She knows everything about
How everybody feels

Every man in city
Watches her tv shows
Television won't
Ever be the same.

Television shows
Lock that door
Your boyfriend had a hat
Dogs, what a dirty floor.

--
i just don't get it.

that's about the indigo children myth; as a satyrical link with the seattle/ occupy generation and the whole folk singer/ flower power thing in the 60 's ; the tv was meant to be a symbol of every media (tv, radio, internet) where the idea of youth rebelion grows through to capture people's mind; man, status quo, patriarchy ,