68

[Brownlie]

i tried to write something about the sometimes called "seattle generation", from 90 's protests against the IMF and globalization until ocuppy everywhere etc. from a 3rd world big city point of view. That was the initial idea.


note that i'm not a english native speaker [ tried to begin a discussion about it here : http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/showthread.php?tid=14786 ]
and i'm really interested about to know exactly how these constructions sounds to native speakers all over;


that's also thought to be sort of a song;

I suggest putting in punctuation.
--

68

I wanna live in 68
I wanna dress in black
Break your windows-- You lose the parallel nature of your list here and it feels unfinished.
City smells like crack -- This doesn't read proper grammatically maybe and the city smells like crack or something.


I love my cigarettes and flags
Love my band
We are the Adolf Hitlers
Dogs, what a dirty sand. -- Dirty sand?


I got my little indigo girl
She's writing for the news
She knows everything about
How everybody feels

Every man in city -- maybe in the city. or in Chicago or something.
Watches her tv shows
Television won't
Ever be the same.

Television shows
Lock that door
Your boyfriend had a hat
Dogs, what a dirty floor.

--

I would work on the grammar here, but you have some interesting ideas.