Stringy

[tomoffing]

Stringy

There are, upon the mountain, hiding, those
that sleep. But some don't sleep. My handsome kite
rides low without much breeze, and down it climbs
until it gets caught on the face of a jagger rose.
I tug. It humps and tears a little hole
in it and bleeds. I have an alibi:
I was distracted by the August sky.
The sun. The blowing leaf. The preening light.

Days pass. It's to his credit that he climbed,
brokenly, thirstily, devastated. Shining
on death, and nestlessly he called and climbed.
Leaves left limbs and then, suddenly,
your crumpled bird beaked y y.
I closed the door.

Hey Crow,
This is a strong piece, but difficult.
With your explanation I now appreciate it somewhat more, but that shouldn't be the case.
I think some of the best individual aspects of the piece combine to its overall detriment.
For example, I like the relatively obscure context of kite as a bird, however line 3 does not clarify whether its feathers or paper we're talking. I have to wait to "nestlessly" before I'm certain, perhaps even "bird beak". Clarify please!
Free up my mind to understand the rest, don't leave clutter in there if your going to present more complexity thereafter.

A similar uncertainty is introduced by the complexity of your character presentation.
"Those", "the kite", "poet", shift to "his"', the audience.
It's a big cast for a short piece. Either give me more concrete identities to understand the story through, or simplify. Eg Speaker & kite, speaker & audience etc.

Finally, line 6 "I have an alibi"
This implies to me a need for an excuse to an outside authority, physical/spiritual whatever.
Now, the emotionless tone of the simple final line leads me to view the poets decision to neglect as his and his alone...
It's a very slight conflict.

Thanks a lot for the read, I'll keep eyes peeled for revisions.
t