06-24-2014, 05:51 AM
How exciting, my first post!
Overall a well written poem which I think has been comprehensively covered by fellow posters. In my opinion the first stanza is good, and the second stanza isn't bad either. However I do have some critique:
I feel the repetition of "my" comes across as forced. I understand if you are trying to stress the personal, sensitive nature of the protagonist, but unless this was your original intention I think it flows better without them.
Also I agree with sandraleigh5 in that 'I write, I sing, and I cry inside instead' works best for the last line.
I hope this is helpful!
Overall a well written poem which I think has been comprehensively covered by fellow posters. In my opinion the first stanza is good, and the second stanza isn't bad either. However I do have some critique:
I feel the repetition of "my" comes across as forced. I understand if you are trying to stress the personal, sensitive nature of the protagonist, but unless this was your original intention I think it flows better without them.
Also I agree with sandraleigh5 in that 'I write, I sing, and I cry inside instead' works best for the last line.
I hope this is helpful!