Sleeping in fields
#3
(06-21-2014, 10:14 PM)tectak Wrote:  
(06-21-2014, 09:31 PM)Keith Wrote:  The Cider threw me off my feet,
talking bats cross costal downs, coastal?
headfirst through the hedgerow,
steeped before an apple sleep. Fresh and zingy. I like this

The day had woken way before me
filtered fresh behind olive blinds,
haloed by a crushed straw hat,
crusty eyes through sunlit trees.

Pulling corn stalks I make my stand
and take a scarecrows offered hand, scarecrow's
but ground turns hard with little trace "but" is conditional so what is it doing here?
of summer ways in a winter place.

As snow takes hold blown into drifts
I make out a shape as reality shifts.
A body curled against the cold,
the scarecrow whispers; Technically not the use to which a semi colon should be put BUT are you really suggesting that the last line is narrative. Aha...perhaps not and if not then period after whispers?
its time, your old. You're old. Proof read Keith.Smile
Hi keith,
We must not say this is good, I like this. This is good, I like this.
Proof read, proof read, proof read, damn sorry for the basics not being in order and thank you for your patience and advice, made an edit, pass me the hair shirt, proof read, proof read, proof read. Best Keith

If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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Messages In This Thread
Sleeping in fields - by Keith - 06-21-2014, 09:31 PM
RE: Sleeping in fields - by tectak - 06-21-2014, 10:14 PM
RE: Sleeping in fields - by Keith - 06-22-2014, 06:29 AM
RE: Sleeping in fields - by billy - 06-22-2014, 11:16 AM
RE: Sleeping in fields - by Keith - 06-25-2014, 06:17 AM



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