Murder

[LorettaYoung]

[quote='ChristopherSea' pid='163431' dateline='1402493734']
[b]Murder

The suspect
had been spotted
around the neighborhood in the past do[/b]had been and in the past say the same thing.
coming for others,
but it was our season now.
Nights were busy
dilating, growing iciclesnot sure why dilating?
as perfect murder weapons.

Death came to our home
on stilts, peered through
our frosted bedroom
window and saw: that kisses
leave tiny bruises which amass
until the kissing stops;
that we went to bed
in mute silence, slept dreamless;
that we were not conscious
of how to love without killing
ourselves in the process. Death offered
autonomy, a nascent leaf,
an algal bloom of possibilities.

Foul play
was eventually uncoveredame question about using eventually and late mornng.
in late morning when authorities
dragged the pond
behind the house and discovered
the missing bodies

of our hollow wedding vows.

I find the twist between real death and the metaphor very close. I think this is interesting; gave me a feeling of dread. Loretta
[/quote]

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Hi Chris: In my view, your edit 2 has come long way; increasing the metaphor of death that enhances the story of the problem; love. I think the read is rhythmic now; I have a small suggestion, I was wondering how it would sound if your turned bedroom next to window on the next line and have a subtle pause there. Just a thought, a very enjoyable read now. Best Loretta