06-22-2014, 03:53 AM
the edit is showing some good progress. The line breaks/lengths and the pacing is much better. I can follow it now. Not only is the poem improving, so is your eye and ear.
I think you should reconsider "our turn had come". The phrase is very worn out. "The usual suspect" as well, even "spotted". Maybe you could say something like "the suspect was seen in a stalkers cap three doors down but who knew he would come for us? "
anything really.
I think you should reconsider "our turn had come". The phrase is very worn out. "The usual suspect" as well, even "spotted". Maybe you could say something like "the suspect was seen in a stalkers cap three doors down but who knew he would come for us? "
anything really.