Murder

[tectak]

Loretta/Dale/QDS/Cy/TtheLion/TruE edit2 Thanks again.

Murder

The usual suspect was spotted
in the neighborhood coming for others, punctuate to clarity. You have written "...the neighborhood coming for others". You do not mean this.
but our turn had come. Nights dilated dilated?
and became frigid, growing icicles "frigid" has connotations which seem inappropriate at best but ill-chosen at worst.
as potential murder weapons. I bide my time on the meaning of this. I hope you help me out

Death came to our home on stilts, There is a perilously long sentence coming. In this sentence are some nice phrases. It would be to the betterment of the piece if the nice phrases had some space on the page to call their own. Look at punctuating.
peered through our frosted bedroom
window and saw that kisses
leave tiny bruises which amass
until the kissing ceases, Hmmm. Really? Why you think this?
that we went to bed silent,
slept dreamless, unconscious
of how to love without killing You simply cannot be "unconscious of". Think about it. "unconscious" is NOT the same as "not conscious"
one another. Inviting death
into the house that night offered
autonomy, a nascent leaf in life,
an algal bloom of possibilities. There is something in this line which is chilling and I like it.

By late next morning, authorities
dragged the pond behind the house ...by 11am xxxx dragged the pond. had dragged
and discovered the missing bodies

of our hollow wedding vows. Yes but no to the enjambment. Hollow vows float

Hi chris,
I said I owed you one! Nice subject, some good thinking and as an example of commitment verse it is worthy. The end just justifies the means.
Best,
tectak
------------------------------------------
Loretta/Dale/QDS/Cyf edit1 Thank you

Murder

The suspect
had been spotted
around the neighborhood
coming for others,
but it was our time,
our season, with the nights busy
dilating, becoming frigid, growing icicles
as potential murder weapons.

Death came to our home
on stilts, peered through
our frosted bedroom
window and saw: that kisses
leave tiny bruises which amass
until the kissing stops;
that we went to bed
in mute silence, slept dreamless;
that we were not conscious
of how to love without killing
each other in the process.

Inviting death into our home
offered autonomy, a nascent leaf in life,
an algal bloom of possibilities.

Foul play
was uncovered late morning
when authorities dragged the pond
behind the house and discovered
the missing bodies

of our hollow wedding vows.


--------------------------------
Murder

The suspect
had been spotted
around the neighborhood in the past
coming for others,
but it was our season now.
Nights were busy
dilating, growing icicles
as perfect murder weapons.

Death came to our home
on stilts, peered through
our frosted bedroom
window and saw: that kisses
leave tiny bruises which amass
until the kissing stops;
that we went to bed
in mute silence, slept dreamless;
that we were not conscious
of how to love without killing
ourselves in the process. Death offered
autonomy, a nascent leaf,
an algal bloom of possibilities.

Foul play
was eventually uncovered
in late morning when authorities
dragged the pond
behind the house and discovered
the missing bodies

of our hollow wedding vows.