06-20-2014, 12:22 PM
[quote='Wjames' pid='167778' dateline='1403151824']
He set the ball atop the hill
and watched it roll on down;"on down" is more Kerplunk, otherwise I agree "back down" is stronger.
it hit a rock and then a twig Also agree, you could find a tougher bumper than twig.
then stopped on flatter ground.
He took a drink before the bar[b]something specific, rather than "before" maybe--He took a drink at Dooley's Bar. eg.
and watched his vision blur;
he bounced around inside his mind
then woke up next to her.[/quote
Nice Kerplunk ending.
Thanks for posting wjames. I enjoyed this one. - Paul
He set the ball atop the hill
and watched it roll on down;"on down" is more Kerplunk, otherwise I agree "back down" is stronger.
it hit a rock and then a twig Also agree, you could find a tougher bumper than twig.
then stopped on flatter ground.
He took a drink before the bar[b]something specific, rather than "before" maybe--He took a drink at Dooley's Bar. eg.
and watched his vision blur;
he bounced around inside his mind
then woke up next to her.[/quote
Nice Kerplunk ending.
Thanks for posting wjames. I enjoyed this one. - Paul