Murder

[ChristopherSea]

Murder

The suspect
had been spotted
around the neighborhood in the past
coming for others,
but it was our season now.
Nights were busy
dilating, growing icicles
as perfect murder weapons. I LIKE THE IDEA BUT NOT THE EXECUTION HERE. HERE, I THINK YOU CAN ALLUDE TO THE FROSTINESS IN THE HOME, IN THE BED, IN THEIR HEARTS. I ALSO THINK THAT CONTRACTING GIVES A GREATER SENSE OF PANIC, OF SUFFOCATION, AND ALSO HINTS AT DIMINISHED SEXUAL CONNECTION

Death came to our home
on stilts, peered through I LIKE THE STILTS, THEY'RE SO CREEPY, CIRCUSY, VOYEURISTIC
our frosted bedroom
window and saw: that kisses
leave tiny bruises which amass
until the kissing stops;
that we went to bed
in mute silence, slept dreamless;
that we were not conscious
of how to love without killing
ourselves in the process. SO GOOD! Death offered
autonomy, a nascent leaf,
an algal bloom of possibilities. I SEE THAT YOU ARE FORESHADOWING THE METAPHORICAL "BODIES IN THE POND" HERE BUT I THINK YOU CAN WORK ON THE EXECUTION OF THIS IDEA. I'M NOT EVEN SURE YOU NEED THESE TWO AND A HALF LINES

Foul play
was eventually uncovered
in late morning when authorities
dragged the pond
behind the house and discovered
the missing bodies

of our hollow wedding vows.

SO good! I loved reading this.

Thanks for looking this over and making some good suggestions swelter. I see what you mean about the contracting nights and that could be effective. I will give those sections you mention another look. Others had a problem with dilation as well, which makes me want to keep it all the more. I want the nights to grow longer, open wider, to go with the shorter day length of winter, accentuate those dreadful nights together. The same goes for that algal bloom irking you and others. That's another favorite for me and really the whole motive for the poem. Nonetheless, I promise to re-examine them. Much obliged for your read and recommendations. /Chris