06-18-2014, 09:12 AM
Hi Trueenigma: Thank you so much for taking the time to point me to a lot of problems with this poem, laughing, and I do appreciate the sense of humor. I would have to change the title, fix a lot of syntax, attempt to be less abstact:
a) despite syntax would it help to say "with pride he seeks to stature win"b)would change guide his place to "secure his place"
c) the nets are for fishing for praise, acceptance, etc. d)"profound but lacking liberty: haven't you ever met an uptight genius. e)an actor of classical literature; the words seem to have become an integral part of his being.f) his self apart; is his life an act, are all his words an act, separating him from life. g) even aged he want to be debonair.f) naked phantom; the exposed reality of his talent.g) the poetry lies in his heart a secret from himself. h) he doesn't hear his own poetry when he speaks, and would fear it if he did, i) growing old changes everything in life "with all of everything to doubt; aging brings change and doubt. I know about the rim thing now. All in all I do understand your critiques, now the title problem, I'm thinking of deleting this. I have explained my points, and I know the poem should show; and me not explain. Thanks so much for your thoughs and time, really, Best Loretta
a) despite syntax would it help to say "with pride he seeks to stature win"b)would change guide his place to "secure his place"
c) the nets are for fishing for praise, acceptance, etc. d)"profound but lacking liberty: haven't you ever met an uptight genius. e)an actor of classical literature; the words seem to have become an integral part of his being.f) his self apart; is his life an act, are all his words an act, separating him from life. g) even aged he want to be debonair.f) naked phantom; the exposed reality of his talent.g) the poetry lies in his heart a secret from himself. h) he doesn't hear his own poetry when he speaks, and would fear it if he did, i) growing old changes everything in life "with all of everything to doubt; aging brings change and doubt. I know about the rim thing now. All in all I do understand your critiques, now the title problem, I'm thinking of deleting this. I have explained my points, and I know the poem should show; and me not explain. Thanks so much for your thoughs and time, really, Best Loretta