06-18-2014, 02:13 AM
This could still be cut a little more for tightness. Different punctuation would be needed. The internal rhyme comes out better I think.
The "and "in line 1 could go.
"Just" line 3 could go, and the "and" from line 3.
The line break in line 6 flows better with the break on "me."
Enjoyed the read.
JG
The "and "in line 1 could go.
"Just" line 3 could go, and the "and" from line 3.
The line break in line 6 flows better with the break on "me."
Enjoyed the read.
JG