Father's Day Poem

[fim]

Happy Fathers Day! It's hard to say something new about love. Your poem started well, with the strong image of hands reaching and clasping through generations. After that you went abstract, and trotted out some rather tired-sounding phrases. I think if you revise this, you should try to bring concrete images into the other stanzas, maybe contrast the faces or eyes, as you did the hands. Thanks for posting this.

Hands of Time
fim 6/13/14

Old wrinkled fingers stretched and curled
tenderly grasping the tiny toddler’s hand, lots of adjectives and adverbs throughout your poem
but the tell was the sparkle that was ever-so evident I'm not sure what 'the tell' is - maybe this could be made more clear
in the eyes of the elderly man.

As my father and son walked hand in hand
my heart swelled with overwhelming joy, cliche
I was certain I was watching how the man who raised me
cherished me as a little boy. a bit unclear as to who is 'as a little boy'

second stanza moves from concrete to abstract, and the rest stay there. I like the image of the two holding hands better than the abstract thoughts which follow.

My memory can’t remember back that far, clunky - I can't remember' or 'my memory doesn't reach' or something like that would be better
though I know he loved me throughout his life,
I’d like to think I provided him with the joy
that I can now see in his eyes.

A father is a care-giver who is forever imprinted
on the hearts and minds of the children he raised,
a person who lives beyond the number of his years
in stories in which he is praised.

just Mercedes,
thanks. yea, hard to write new stuff about love ... sometimes I revolt and use cliché material rather than pick a less-written about subject that affords more virgin poetic territory, something (in my mind) akin to appreciating a Gardenia blossom, even though it looks like the same blossom the year before, and the year before that, and the year before that. But, you are right! And I appreciate the feedback. I was pretty sure I knew what some of the feedback would be when I posted Hands of Time, yet I didn't change it and posted it anyway. I guess my next poem should be titled ... What's Wrong Wif My Head!
Again, thanks, and Cheers!
fim