It Arrives

[Rented Room]

I don't know if it is just me, but I took this to be a very sexual poem. Is the weather perhaps not just a metaphor for love, but also for... wanting to make it? My apologies if my interpretation is too lewd. I found this poem did a wonderful job to convey an emotion of lust or love for some sort of woman. Maybe you did not intend for this double meaning, but I think that it fits quite well.

I'm also getting irregular heart palpitations from this poem, especially the edit. But I'm not finding it seductively sexy. I think the final verse is the biggest problem for me. When I read "the vibrating thunder, throbbing lighting, and wetting rain," all I can think is that it's just a handful of nouns away from my next internet search. I suggest a change of verbs or maybe a complete verse change.

The line "your stormy eyes staring seductively" seems like a pivotal one but, as Todd points out, everything it has to say is on the surface. Try making the words sexy and seductive, rather than using words about sex and seduction.