06-13-2014, 02:11 PM
Not happy with the near rhyme at the end, but it seems to convey the point a little more clearly.
I’ll build myself a smoking pyre
By burning leagues of sticks.
My semblance born in fickle fire
Is born with just one flick.
I’ve seen the boys in leather coats
Who wrinkle old like stones.
Their forms are flames exuding smoke
That shroud beyond our bones.
These epic men inside a square
Are stars that never dull.
They dazzle bright in vacuumed air,
And hide behind a bulb.
These signal men sing seraph tunes
You cannot see by sight.
From Raven’s broken orb they swoon
A chaos made of light.
Assembled to a shining corpse
Unwrapping cellophane,
I crackle like a pagan fork,
And smoke my nicotine.
Maybe, "and smoke constricting veins," or "constricting far-off veins"
I’ll build myself a smoking pyre
By burning leagues of sticks.
My semblance born in fickle fire
Is born with just one flick.
I’ve seen the boys in leather coats
Who wrinkle old like stones.
Their forms are flames exuding smoke
That shroud beyond our bones.
These epic men inside a square
Are stars that never dull.
They dazzle bright in vacuumed air,
And hide behind a bulb.
These signal men sing seraph tunes
You cannot see by sight.
From Raven’s broken orb they swoon
A chaos made of light.
Assembled to a shining corpse
Unwrapping cellophane,
I crackle like a pagan fork,
And smoke my nicotine.
Maybe, "and smoke constricting veins," or "constricting far-off veins"