06-12-2014, 11:46 PM
I have to say that I was all in with the poem. Of course, I usually don't give a flying f if a poem makes sense or not, just look at my poetry. When I read a poem, I assume that the author is going to take me somewhere and I don't usually care if that place is magical where things aren't always spelled out for me--I can make that leap as long as you give me a ledge to jump to, and you did.
The ONLY thing that annoyed me a tiny bit was the line "with the nights busy dilating" ---not because of the phrase itself but the way you chose to drop dilating to next line. Not sure what that choice was about, but because I couldn't see the gerund upcoming the first (and second) time I read it I saw
"night's" (thinking you'd forgotten your apostrophe) then it clicks but when it did had to go back...it took me out of the poem for a few seconds trying to diagram the line.
I love it, even if it is a bit cheesy---it's a campy work that balances the actual morbidity of the poem with the fact that we knew where it was going long before it got there. The journey itself was well worth it.
The ONLY thing that annoyed me a tiny bit was the line "with the nights busy dilating" ---not because of the phrase itself but the way you chose to drop dilating to next line. Not sure what that choice was about, but because I couldn't see the gerund upcoming the first (and second) time I read it I saw
"night's" (thinking you'd forgotten your apostrophe) then it clicks but when it did had to go back...it took me out of the poem for a few seconds trying to diagram the line.
I love it, even if it is a bit cheesy---it's a campy work that balances the actual morbidity of the poem with the fact that we knew where it was going long before it got there. The journey itself was well worth it.