06-12-2014, 11:31 PM
Billy Din,
"ya lumpi' grout of cheek wipe"
I always hate coming to a poem late, when all the meat has been picked off the bones. But...
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"he was kind, pure kind, though thick."
"pure kind" made me stop reading, maybe
"he was kind and pure, though thick."
"When he went to tend the newby, and the trier!"
"posies" plural of "posy" is correct.
poh-it-as-ter doesn't fit the meter, which is iambic with two neutral syllable to start the line. This has three unaccented syllables in a row. It's a good word for what you're describing, but it does not fit the meter.
I don't see much wrong with this that hasn't already been pointed out. A nice self aggrandizing poem
dale the imperilist
"ya lumpi' grout of cheek wipe"
I always hate coming to a poem late, when all the meat has been picked off the bones. But...
________________________________________________
"he was kind, pure kind, though thick."
"pure kind" made me stop reading, maybe
"he was kind and pure, though thick."
"When he went to tend the newby, and the trier!"
"posies" plural of "posy" is correct.
poh-it-as-ter doesn't fit the meter, which is iambic with two neutral syllable to start the line. This has three unaccented syllables in a row. It's a good word for what you're describing, but it does not fit the meter.
I don't see much wrong with this that hasn't already been pointed out. A nice self aggrandizing poem
dale the imperilist
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.