Murder

[ChristopherSea]

I know that cliche isn't in the poem, im saying that you make the move from death staring outsite the window, to death being able to offer you things. With no transitition. It makes no sense.


Death knocking on your window would make more sense, but it is cliche.


Death is observing a dying marriage. Ok?


Also, season implies change, i guess.... But "it was our season now" is still awkward.

Death had been seen coming for others, but it was our time for change now?

Agreed, but having no transition and making no sense are two very different problems. An intervening line could bridge the former problem. A total rewrite is needed for a nonsensical concept. Thanks for the clarification. The language can always be worked out if the story and its progression is logical.