06-12-2014, 08:38 PM 
	
	
	
		Hi metalfan91!
I like the poem-as-dialogue, between the foreign/conquering priest and the native elder. This could play out in any of a thousand places (the Americas, Polynesia, Australia, etc.) around the world in many, many eras. I like the universal aspect of it.
This
You could tinker with phrasing here & there but I get it. Nicely said.
nb
	
	
	
metalfan91 Wrote:I intended this to feel vaguely of a fantasy piece as well and leave unclear as to which instance of colonization I allude to. I felt it better to leave it vague, yet concise rather than specific and overwrought.I get it.
I like the poem-as-dialogue, between the foreign/conquering priest and the native elder. This could play out in any of a thousand places (the Americas, Polynesia, Australia, etc.) around the world in many, many eras. I like the universal aspect of it.
This
metalfan91 Wrote:You will flee to the lands of the Westadds a provincial note that doesn't jibe with the universal aspect. Maybe drop the "West" reference. Why flee? Why not just die? So many native Americans, Polynesians & Aborigines died from diseases to which they had no antibodies (measles, smallpox, etc.).
You could tinker with phrasing here & there but I get it. Nicely said.
nb

 

 
