06-12-2014, 06:37 AM
Thanks for the thoughtful notes ellajam. I posted this one because I've been editing it in circles for awhile, so I appreciate the help.
1) I'm not in love with the caps on each line. More a product of auto-correct fatigue.
2) Not in love with "pastel" either. Thanks for confirming.
3) I wanted the 2nd stanza to feel a bit like a hangover, but you're right, it is still more awkward than needed. I think I can chop a few words.
4) Glad you liked the end. I'm still not happy with the word "keep", but it works better than "hold" or "leave".
Very helpful guidance. Thanks,
Paul
1) I'm not in love with the caps on each line. More a product of auto-correct fatigue.
2) Not in love with "pastel" either. Thanks for confirming.
3) I wanted the 2nd stanza to feel a bit like a hangover, but you're right, it is still more awkward than needed. I think I can chop a few words.
4) Glad you liked the end. I'm still not happy with the word "keep", but it works better than "hold" or "leave".
Very helpful guidance. Thanks,
Paul