06-11-2014, 08:00 PM
Hippy, glad you enjoyed the meter, I thought it was funny, nice to not be laughing alone. 
Brownlie, thanks for the reread, I'll give it another go-through and listen and see if I can hear where it needs changing. As always, your ear is much appreciated.
Q, thanks for coming back to read the edit. Can you be more specific? I know it's in fun, no critique required, but I'm curious.
Is there any specific word you think shouldn't have been dropped or is it a general preference?
Cloudy and mel, ha, the monk's cup, not so easy to find a rhyme for Funk it up, is it the rhyme that didn't work or the line? I meant it as a receptacle that starts out empty and begs for offerings, does the rhymes rattling in it not work or the whole mess? Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
Joey, welcome, thanks so much for the thorough read and comments, glad you enjoyed it. That last line: While I often say my goal in life has become remembering where the car is parked when I get out of work, in this case I was aiming for retrieving the poem. I used parked in place of "when I get home" to try to play off the meter in poetry and parking. Your read actually got the true state of affairs.
Brownlie, thanks for the reread, I'll give it another go-through and listen and see if I can hear where it needs changing. As always, your ear is much appreciated.
Q, thanks for coming back to read the edit. Can you be more specific? I know it's in fun, no critique required, but I'm curious.
Is there any specific word you think shouldn't have been dropped or is it a general preference?Cloudy and mel, ha, the monk's cup, not so easy to find a rhyme for Funk it up, is it the rhyme that didn't work or the line? I meant it as a receptacle that starts out empty and begs for offerings, does the rhymes rattling in it not work or the whole mess? Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
Joey, welcome, thanks so much for the thorough read and comments, glad you enjoyed it. That last line: While I often say my goal in life has become remembering where the car is parked when I get out of work, in this case I was aiming for retrieving the poem. I used parked in place of "when I get home" to try to play off the meter in poetry and parking. Your read actually got the true state of affairs.
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