Revelry

[tectak]

Erthona,

Thank you for taking the time to make a lot of really helpful suggestions. I wrote this last night as I was trying to go to sleep and reminiscing on my high school days, so I'm not surprised it rambles a bit.

Where I'm from we simply call it "smoking hookah" and often did so in garages after we had abandoned bonfires. I understand it may be a bit cliche, but I was just writing from memory. Also "Never wanting to stay, but crying as we left" refers to leaving for college or graduating high school. I personally think it could be used to talk about a lot of different times in life, but I can certainly see why it could be too ambiguous within the poem.

I will definitely make an edit to this and cut down on the list. I can already see a few that don't need to be there. I will also probably cut out a lot of the end, when I'm fully awake it does seem a bit too preachy.

Thanks again for the suggestions! Hope you like whatever edit I make

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Hi Jimmy: I thing you have a very nice poem here; but agree, the list is too long; perhaps you can conbine: I think it could be very strong. Loretta