06-10-2014, 10:00 PM
Thank you - I'm glad my comments were helpful. And I'm glad I got a chance to read that Bukowski poem. I see why you're referencing it, I think. It's easy to connect to, even when I don't share the same kinds of life experiences. Is this a poem you want readers to be able to look up? Like if someone doesn't know the poem and is reading your poem, do you want them to be able to have enough info to type something into google and find the Bukowski? I think that there could be a few different strategies to pointing more clearly towards this poem, like a directly quoted line or an epigraph or a namedrop, but those all depend on your goals. If you want the poem to get readers looking things up and looking for connections, it might need a more clear nod to the source material. If you want the images to work on two levels, one level for those not in the know and another level for those who are, then the references probably don't need to be as clear or obvious.
I think that's happening with lines like "quaffing rotten rinds" - it's so descriptive that I 'get it' on just the level of image, even though I don't get the reference (I've never made it more than 3 pages into Paradise Lost). And I think that could happen with the "birdlike collar" and other similar mentions if they had a little more context or description around them. That way, a reader naive to the references would be able to see something on the level of description, and a more 'in the know' reader would both be able to see what you're describing and get the additional meaning behind it.
Again, not sure if that's what you want to do with the poem - or if I'm talking about stuff you've already thought through. Either way I appreciate getting to read a little more about your thought process with the poem. It's always fun and informative to see what goes into other people's work.
I think that's happening with lines like "quaffing rotten rinds" - it's so descriptive that I 'get it' on just the level of image, even though I don't get the reference (I've never made it more than 3 pages into Paradise Lost). And I think that could happen with the "birdlike collar" and other similar mentions if they had a little more context or description around them. That way, a reader naive to the references would be able to see something on the level of description, and a more 'in the know' reader would both be able to see what you're describing and get the additional meaning behind it.
Again, not sure if that's what you want to do with the poem - or if I'm talking about stuff you've already thought through. Either way I appreciate getting to read a little more about your thought process with the poem. It's always fun and informative to see what goes into other people's work.