06-09-2014, 04:44 AM
Could use some periods. Some of the line breaks are odd as in the first stanza:
"I’ve always wondered
when father dreamed,
whether he remembered the names
of his grandchildren, whether he ever
left a path and wandered away,
yet was able to return,
even in a pouring rain"
which could be
I’ve always wondered
when father dreamed,
whether he remembered <"whether" to "did" so you don't have "whether" twice so close together>
the names of his grandchildren,
whether he ever left a path
and wandered away,
yet was able to return,
even in a pouring rain
Best,
Dale
"I’ve always wondered
when father dreamed,
whether he remembered the names
of his grandchildren, whether he ever
left a path and wandered away,
yet was able to return,
even in a pouring rain"
which could be
I’ve always wondered
when father dreamed,
whether he remembered <"whether" to "did" so you don't have "whether" twice so close together>
the names of his grandchildren,
whether he ever left a path
and wandered away,
yet was able to return,
even in a pouring rain
Best,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.