Tree Haiku

[Markworth]

Markworth,

Not that I particularly care about haiku form, as I think it really has no relationship to the Japanese form, but if you're going to follow the 5-7-5 in the first two, why deviate from it in the third stanza, and why then call it a haiku, especially as there is no kireji? You do not have a seasonal reference except in the last stanza, so it seems a mixed bag. Just curious, but the lines of the last stanza (especially the second line as it is obvious that it is not seven syllables long) seem slightly disruptive to the poem, at least for me. I got to that second line and immediately stopped to ponder why it was so short, which of course took me out of the poem. If it was intentional I would be interested in your rationale.

Dale

Dale,

Thanks for the questions and insight. When I typed up my original post, my first idea was to include several 3 line poems about trees and I had five 3 line poems typed up. I realized that three out of the five had a connection, and discarded the other two because I thought they would be distracting. I agree that the third 3 line poem is disruptive, when combined with the other two. I'll edit the original post to include lines between the 3 line poems to separate them a bit.

Out of respect for the true Japanese form, I may stop referring to these as Haiku. I'm basically interested in 3 line poems for two reasons. I want to either show a sharp contrast between two things, or I want to create a spark between two things. They will be Haiku-inspired.

Markworth