06-07-2014, 07:23 AM
Excellent work. I am very new to much of this and didn't know Serge. I feel I do now, at least a little. The poem engaged me so much with clever word choices and a style I relate to, that I read it and reread it, and found myself googling Serge's work. Wanting to get to know him (and the poem) better. I think that's a big accomplishment for a poem of this type.
I do have some questions about the punctuation. I'm a big fan of impossibly long sentences, but always get a headache trying to punctuate them. I think the first 2 occasions you use "..." are natural and correct. The 3rd use between "place" and "but" seems different. Like it wants to be a comma.
I look forward to seeing more comments on this. Thanks for the wonderful read/journey.
I do have some questions about the punctuation. I'm a big fan of impossibly long sentences, but always get a headache trying to punctuate them. I think the first 2 occasions you use "..." are natural and correct. The 3rd use between "place" and "but" seems different. Like it wants to be a comma.
I look forward to seeing more comments on this. Thanks for the wonderful read/journey.