Asahi

[SKDink55]

On that bus from Toronto,
while you dreamed on my shoulder
of Asahi cold and popcorn gold,
and a park built just for dogs to play,
I think I might have whispered I love you.
I think you might have whispered okay.

This is a poem that elicited feelings of vague sadness, which we can all relate to. It really just feels like a big SIGH. Your memory is not great, her response is ambiguous at best, and there is literal dreaming involved, which gives this all a swirly, airy feel.

I actually enjoyed your guessing her dreams. And I really enjoyed you spelling out the concept of a dog park. That feels very genuinely dreamy.

But my favorite part is the unexpected rhyme at the end. I am not a fan of rhyming poetry except when the writer is using it for effect, not for convention, and I think you've done that here.

This is a nice poem, but I'm not sure what else beyond that.

Thank you for sharing!!